Golden? Yes! Puppy? Absolutely! Retriever? Not even a little! There's no way I'm fetching any sticks, balls, needlepoint samplers, tax documents, feelings of ennui, or really anything at all. That's just a stereotype, man.

• Specs: 7(w) x 10(d) x 6(h) inches. Polyester fiber, ages 0 and up!